Ascent

Over a year has passed since I came to California – a year in this house, a year of confinement, a year of gratitude. I have the sensation that so many things are falling apart out there, and that I am a villager on a mountain, living my life in simplicity, the news flowing past me like river water. My thoughts churn restlessly and constantly, but my body holds to a ceaseless routine – waking, working, caring for the land and the animals, preparing food, cleaning, sleeping. 

Now it is Springtime again. One year ago, I wrote of the things I had taken for granted – the touch of another person’s hand in greeting, feeling safe around everyday strangers, carefree travel. How little we knew then, how tragically we have learned the knowledge that we never wished to have.

I was afraid to begin writing publicly again. The world of blogs has changed immensely since I first began on LiveJournal in 2001. There is so much content out there and I was overawed. I have also changed; my sense of others’ scrutiny, my sense of fragility, of having things to lose. At the same time, I felt my story was not yet written. The weight of my place in America has always pressed upon me, I felt that the stories being told in the world spoke to me and yet were not me. To not write, is to be silent. To not write, would mean a continuation of that absence.

The only thing left to do is to write again. Tameiterra – this beautiful land – will be my space for exploration, a spot to capture memories of small thoughts, where my voice could rise, another chance for bravery.

May you discover something here brings you solace or a smile.